I learned a really important lesson today about rejection. Even though I’ve been singing professionally for over 30 years (yes, I was a child when I started!), it always feels kind of crappy to be rejected, even when you’re rejected in a nice, professional way by a nice, professional person.
I submitted one of the new tracks on my new CD to a veteran radio industry guy; another veteran publicity guy referred me to him, but did tell me: “He’s really picky, and very tough.” Totally ignoring that warning, I had contacted Mr. Radio months ago and he graciously accepted my previous CDs and said he’d listen to the new one. In an email exchange he said he’d like to hear an mp3 of one of the new tracks. I sent it, warning him ahead of time that it was a ‘rough mix’ (but still, it does sound pretty amazing – Jamie’s ‘rough’ mixes are always better than most ‘final’ mixes of other engineers I’ve heard), but that the vocal was a final. In fact, the vocal was a reference vocal, and was recorded ‘live,’ in studio, and has no edits or punch-ins. Basically, he asked me to send the mp3 knowing it was a rough mix, as he just wanted to hear what I was up to with the new project.
I didn’t hear back from him right away, which made me feel queasy. I’m used to instant feedback, since I’m chained to my computer all day long, working via email, and I expect the rest of the world to respond instantly.
Eight hours later, his email said: “I don’t think we’re a match…” and he went on to explain why.
I’m much too vain and insecure to reveal his reason for his rejection – that is, his specific musical comments. Of course, I didn’t agree with him, either, and my first thought was: “Well, obviously he hasn’t listened to my other CDs! If he had, he would never say this!”
Then, I started to…….cry. Yup. I cried. THEN I had a major panic attack: “OH. MY. GOD. I just took out a loan to record this project, and I have no business doing that because I SUCK and NO ONE will buy this CD no one will ever HEAR it and who the hell cares anyway if I’m a jazz singer for God’s sake I mean really when the world is going to hell and this war is unending and the polar icecaps are melting and my own daughter is growing up and going to leave me and I’ll be so sad and alone and I’m going to wind up a fat Italian lady singing for beer and tips down at Volpi’s on Wednesday nights cause who wants to hear an old drunken lady sing “Lush Life” on a weekend night when all the beautiful young people are out falling in love and looking into each other’s eyes listening to really cool hip singer/songwriters with their impossibly brilliant lyrics and voices and gorgeous looks and Mr. Radio doesn’t like me so no one else in radio will like me cause he’s been in the business for thirty years and…………………………
Yeah, I know. Get over it!
So I called my friend who is a psychic. I didn’t tell her anything about what happened, just that she had really inspired me before, and I was in need of a little boost.
The first thing she said was: “You are being a Perfectionist, and it’s stopping you. Let go, etc. etc. etc…..”
I wound up telling her about Mr. Radio.
She said: “What a fantastic gift he gave you. He gave you an opportunity to make changes, if you want to, before the project is completed. If he had told you this after the CD was done and pressed and out the door, you would REALLY be bummed. See if anything he said makes any sense to you, and if so, be grateful for what he gave you. He could have just said ‘get lost, kid’ but instead, he was really nice, and just being helpful. Too bad if it’s not what you wanted to hear. It may be what you needed to hear.”
Lesson learned. Got it. GREAT. And now I feel so much better. I’m going into the studio tomorrow to make a few changes that I had already had in the back of my mind, but almost let slide. I’m glad he woke me up and I not only listened to him, I listened to myself.
Mr. Radio, if you ever read this blog, you’ll know who you are. So: thank you for rejecting me!!! You are the COOLEST.
